


it's okay, i wouldn't remember me either.

by xelmxy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: #HaikyuuAngstWeek2020, Angst, Illnesses, Injury, M/M, Memory Loss, Not A Happy Ending, Owie, Panic Attacks, all hurt no happiness, car crash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27384589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xelmxy/pseuds/xelmxy
Summary: "I wish I never had met you, Kō. I know that sounds horrible, but I can't take it-." Akaashi started."But..." The dark haired boy's voice trailed off."It's okay, I wouldn't remember me either."
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	it's okay, i wouldn't remember me either.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to Day 4 of #HaikyuuAngstWeek!
> 
> Today's book was longer then i thought it was going to be, but i'm fairly proud of it. I hope you all enjoy! No, it doesn't have a happy ending, and you could tell by the tags, and i guess this could count as 'another' BokuAka hospital fic, if you will. But i see this book as more, and i hope you all do as well.
> 
> TW : car crash , memory loss , panic attacks

#HaikyuuAngstWeek2020 - Day 4 - Tier 2 & 3

Akaashi is running, full-speed to the hospital. It's a rainy day, the dark gray clouds threatening. The cold rain, splattering on Akaashi's clothes. Though, he didn't care about his clothes, no, he needed to get to the hospital as fast as possible.

His boyfriend, Bokuto, Bokuto Kōtarō, had gotten into a bad accident. He was taking the bus to the shop, when a truck slipped on the slippery roads from the rain, trying to take a turn, the back of it hitting the bus, making it tip over.

Akaashi knew that was the bus Bokuto took every day, or, the one that came to the bus stop near his house everyday; the nice, solid, number "7" on the side of it. He also, was aware many on the bus were pronounced dead at the scene; luckily, Bokuto didn't appear on that list when it showed up on the local news. He knew Bokuto would be in the hospital about 20 minutes away on foot, so he trudged the whole way there, slipping once or twice.

He tripped on some gravel in a puddle and fell, making his clothes more wet than they already were. He laid on the ground for a few seconds, freezing, not able to get up, but after some struggle, and his legs and arms giving out on him a few times, he managed to get up and continue.

The adrenaline was shooting through his blood, nothing else on his mind other than getting to the hospital, and making sure Bokuto was okay. Everything around him was blurry, except the straight path in front of him, which shook Akaashi up a bit, but that didn't matter.

After what felt like hours of running in merely a t-shirt, and some sports shorts, he made it to the entrance.

He was freezing cold, only realizing this when walking into the warm hospital, which gave him chills running up his spine.

He ran to the desk, the woman sat in the chair peered over, and looked his drenched body up and down with a scrunched nose and and a confused look.

"Please, where is Bokuto Kōtarō's room? I need to see him... please..." Akaashi said, trying to keep his voice from breaking

"And who are you?" The woman asked, still glaring.

"Akaashi, Akaashi Keiji. I- I should be on his emergency list-"

"Calm down please, sir." she huffed, clicking a few times on her computer, then looked at the picture of Akaashi on the screen, and than at him.

Her face softened. "Oh... yes... he was in that terrible bus accident..."

...

"Is he okay?!." Akaashi said, at a voice almost at a yell.

"He's okay, though he is in a coma, and undergoing surgery right now."

Akaashi felt as is his heart stopped.

"A- co...." His voice trailed off.

...

"A coma, yes, sir." The woman said, finishing his sentence for him.

"When-"

"Excuse me sir." The woman interrupted, trying to sound as kind as possible.

"After the surgery is done, I'll have the doctor come talk to you about all the details, there are people waiting behind you."

Akaashi got all flushed, being embarrassed from all the noise he had just realized he'd caused, but just nodded, strutting over to a chair in the room far away as possible from everyone.

He found a chair near the corner and sat, with his head down.

He felt very... lightheaded. He had some time to reflect on everything the doctor had said now, not making things better him his case.

The words 'surgery' and 'coma' were repeating in the back of his head for what seemed like forever, until the woman from the desk came up to him. He was shaking his head, while hot tears rolled down his cheeks

\-----

"Sir."

Akaashi whipped his head up to see the woman, a slight, sympathetic look on her face, smiling softly.

"Sir, visiting hours will be closing in about 5 minutes. Bokuto Kōtarō is still in surgery, and it probably won't end until later tonight.

He looked up at the clock in the wall, it was 9pm. He didn't realize how fast time had past, since he was sure he got here around 4 or so.

"I- I need to see him... Please." The boy quivered.

"You won't be able to tonight, but we will call you if anything goes wrong; his parents said they were out of town, and couldn't get back until tomorrow either, I suggest coming with them, tomorrow, they seemed relieved that you were at least here."

That seemed to be Bokuto's parents alright. They adored Akaashi, for many different reasons. He was able to fix Bokuto's moods, and would also constantly help around the Bokuto house-hold. Akaashi though, loved Bokuto's parents as they were his own, since his parents would be out traveling for business a lot anyways.

He sighed, remembering that he left his phone at home in a hurry to get here.

"Al- alright..." Akaashi finally managed to get out.

"Thank you sir, have a good night, try to get some rest."

Akaashi picked himself up, and walked over to the entrance. He walked out, but not before hesitating for a few seconds. When he walked outside, a cold gust of air caught him, and he shivered, but started trudging his way home.

He really was freezing, and would probably wake up in a few days with a cold, but he could get away just wearing a mask while at the hospital if that was the case.

Before he knew it, his body had auto-piloted him to his front doorstep.

He pulled out the key from under the doormat, and tried to unlock his door, but then realized he had forgotten to lock it in the first place.

"That could have been bad." He sighed.

He placed the key back under the mat, and opened the door. He saw his phone sitting on the dining room table, and picked it up.

5 missed calls from both his mom and dad.

8 from Bokuto's parents.

A bunch from the team members, Kuroo, and Hinata.

Heck, even a few from Tsukishima and Kenma.

He sighed, and called his parents first, telling them he was okay and had just left his phone at the house.

"We won't be able to come back probably for another week, we cant get a flight back until then, I'm sorry, dear."

"It's okay mom, don't worry about me, I'll be okay" Akaashi said. Though it seemed like he was trying to convince himself more then to his parents that he was fine.

He heard his dad say something in the back, and then his mom spoke up.

"Dad says he loves and misses you! We have to go now sweetie, be safe!"

Before Akaashi got the chance to answer, he heard a few beeps, implying the call had been ended.

Akaashi sighed, wondering who he should call next. Then decided probably Bokuto's parents, since, well, their child was on the literal edge of life and death.

His finger hovered over the call button for Bokuto's mom's contact; he was hesitant, that's for sure. He didn't know why, really, though he just.... was.

Maybe it was for the fact that he didn't want to hear the hurt voices of his friends parents, or maybe it was because he wasn't in the mood to explain everything that had apparently happened, though he knew Bokuto's parents probably saw the news articles, and what ran on TV about it.

He finally tapped down, and brought his phone up to his ear. It rung only once, until Akaashi heard a frantic, loud voice, startling him. He pulled the phone a few inches away from his ear for a second, to try and not make himself go deaf.

"KEIJI? KEIJI DEAR?" He heard the familiar voice scream, in... agony. It hurt Akaashi a bit to hear her like this, but he couldn't just hang up now.

"Hello..." He replied, not knowing really what to say.

"OH GOD. Keiji, honey, where are you right now?"

"I'm... I'm at my house. I'm sorry, I left my phone here when I left to the hospital."

"Are you okay? When they did the news report it looked to be raining a lot."

"I'm... I'm fine." Again, Akaashi felt like he was trying to convince himself more.

"Is-"

"He's in a coma... when I went there they told me he was undergoing surgery, and when visiting hours closed they told me he was still in it."

"Did they say when he was going to um... possibly come out of the coma?.."

"No, they..."

....

"They probably don't know when he's going to come out of it." Bokuto's mom said, breaking the silence.

Akaashi felt like he was about to cry all over again; he could hear Bokuto's mom's broken, and shaky voice.

"Probably." Akaashi said biting his tongue to distract him from bursting out into tears.

"Keiji, it's okay... you can cry, I won't think you're weak for it."

And like it was on-cue, he immediately started crying. Crying was actually an understatement, this was more like howling. Akaashi didn't think he had ever cried this hard, or- can recall a time that he did.

Akaashi could hear Bokuto's mom starting to cry again too, and his dad in then quickly after in the background.

Akaashi didn't know how long they were all crying on the phone, but he could tell all three of them needed that. Finally after a while, Akaashi's mom spoke, it wasn't very clear, but Akaashi could understand it.

"Thank you, Keiji."

Akaashi didn't know what he was being thanked for really, but he nodded, forgetting that they couldn't see him through the call.

He heard a fumbling with the phone, than a more deep, and clear voice spoke.

"Keiji? We are going to come pick you up tomorrow at 10 okay? We'll drive you to the hospital." Bokuto's father said, in what seemed to be a whisper, probably trying not to let his voice crack.

"Okay..." Akaashi sniffled.

"We are going to go now, we have to start packing since we are coming home a few days early. Get some rest, alright?"

"Will d-do." Akaashi said, trying to stop himself from letting out a loud sob through the phone again.

"Goodbye, Keiji, and again, thank you."

*BEEP *BEEP* *BEEP*

The call ended, and the took the phone from his ear, down to in-front of his face. There left his bright lock screen, a picture of him and Bokuto, their faces covered up by other missed calls and texts. He thought he would call Kuroo back now, than get some rest. He was about to press the button on Kuroo's contact, then the door rang.

He strolled over to the door, tears fogging up his view, making him bump into the side of the table.

"Shit-" He said grabbing his hip. The doorbell ringed again, then a third time.

He got to the door, which he frogot to lock, AGAIN, and turned the nob.

Standing there was a worried Kuroo holding an umbrella, and a tired, but also worried, Kenma standing next to him under the umbrella .

"Akaashi!" Kuroo said, voice cracking.

"I- We- Is he?-" Kuroo stammered

"Kuro, hey, Kuro, calm down, please..." Kenma muttered, tugging on Kuroo's jacket sleeve.

Kuroo looked down at Kenma, than burst into tears. Akaashi was sure he had never seen Kuroo cry before, but that didn't really matter right now.

Akaashi, now almost again in tears himself, ushered them inside.

They both walked in, following Akaashi to the living room, and sitting them down on the couch.

The three didnt say a word for a while, and they just sat in silence, listening to the ticks, and tocks, of the clock from the kitchen that now read '9:54pm'.

Akaashi started crying again, not even thinking of holding back, all he wanted was to keep crying, forever, it helped some of the pain, though making his head throb.

Kenma, surprisingly broke the silence, probably not wanting to hear the hurt of just Kuroo and Akaashi's sobs echoing in the room.

"So, he's at the hospital right now... right?" Kenma muttered, trying frantically to brush away some of the tears falling from his face.

"I-I- Yeah..." Akaashi replied back, hiding his head away from the embarrassment of him crying.

Kenma nodded his head, trying to hold tears in himself. Akaashi knew that Kenma was close to tears as well, you could see it in his eye, though Akaashi knew it was also partly to drain out the cries or Kuroo. Kenma didn't like to hear Kuroo cry, but didn't know what much to do other then try and talk over it. He rubbed Kuroo's head, cooing at him, trying to help him calm down just a bit. Kenma have him a small side hug, and he started calming down, just a bit.

A small line of jealousy struck Akaashi then, he should be hugging his Bokuto right now, but he couldn't, he... he couldn't. It struck him again, sending another wave of tears into his eyes, starting his hard crying all over again.

Kenma got up from where he was sitting with Kuroo and walked over to Akaashi, then kneeled down in front of him.

"Everything is going to be okay, both of us are right here, through it all. Okay?"

All Akaashi could do was nod, he couldn't mumbled anything else out, too afraid to be too loud, and embarrass himself, or something like that.

Then Kenma hugged him. This surprised Akaashi, though he didn't resent it, he hugged Kenma back. He could hear Kenma start to cry, it was soft, but he could feel the trembling body of the smaller figure close up to him. Akaashi though, didn't know if he was crying because he heard Kuroo's or Akaashi's weeps, or if he did actually miss Bokuto.

They stayed crying into each other for a while, Kuroo's sobs starting up again. Akaashi didn't really know how long they were all sitting there, crying like this, but he knew it was for a good while.

After they were all able to pick themselves up after the crying, Kuroo got a call, telling him that he needed to get home, and that it was late. So Akaashi went and saw the two out the door. As soon as he closed it, a wave of tiredness covered him, he was exhausted from all the running, crying, and thinking he did today. This was still all so much to take in, and Akaashi didn't know how to take it himself, and he didn't want to. He wanted to be okay.

It was late now, or Akaashi thought it to be, he didn't bother checking the time, his brain most likely couldn't process it much anyways. He plugged his phone in, and changed his clothes really quick, before passing out on his bed, as soon as his body hit the mattress.

-

Akaashi woke to a ringing of a doorbell, it made him jump, but then came to his senses, he was lying on the edge of his bed, but why was the doorbell ringing on a Saturday? Maybe it was Bo-

Everything came flooding back to him. The news, the running, the rain, the coma. Akaashi found it now hard to breathe, taking all this in again was hard, he wanted to go back to a few seconds ago, when he had no clue what was going on, he wanted that badly, those few seconds were extremely nice. But just as he was about to flop himself down in his bed again, the doorbell rang again. He then remembered he was supposed to go to the hospital today, with Bokuto's parents...

He scurried out of bed, running to the door. The doorbell rang once again, before Akaashi opened the door to see, sure enough, Bokuto's parents standing there. Their faces were just a painful reminder of Bokuto, and a picture of Bokuto in the hospital appeared in his mind. If it wasn't for Bokuto's father, another second or silence would have broken Akaashi.

"I'm sorry, we are here just a bit early aren't we? It is only 9:45." He said, lightly smiling.

Akaashi snapped out of his phase.

"N-No! I forgot to set an alarm anyways. Sorry- uhm- can you give me a little bit to get ready? I'm sorry for keeping you waiting.

"Take as much time as you need." Bokuto's mother spoke up. "I would take a shower too, who knows how long we might be there. You probably want to be as comfortable as possible, so wear causal clothes alright?"

Akaashi nodded, and managed to fix a crooked smile on his face.

"We'll wait in the car, take as much time as you need alrighty kiddo?" Bokuto's father said, still with that kind smile fixated on his face.

Akaashi gave a thumbs up, and closed the door. He ran off to his room, and started panicking, but got his clothes ready for his shower.

After the shower, he got into his clothes and did his hair. He fixed it up like normal, but frowned at the person he saw in the mirror. He looked horrible, his face was puffy, and his eyes were red. He hated this, he hated this all, he was 100% sure he had never cried this hard ever, and it causing him to look like this, made it worse. He washed his face, hoping some of it would go away, and it puffed down a little bit, but you could still tell that he had been crying a bit. If he was being honest, he had gotten to the point, where he didn't care about his appearance anymore, all he wanted was to see Bokuto, nothing more, (Though just to make himself feel better, he splashed some more water on his face.)

He walked out to the lichen and looked at the living room, and remembered last night. He wished Kenma and Kuroo could be with him right now, though he didn't know if he really wanted them to see him cry more at the moment. He smiled, thinking about how good his friends were though, he was happy to have them.

He went to the kitchen to grab something to eat real quickly. His eye caught the time on the oven. It read 10:03. He knew he needed to hurry up. He grabbed a small muffin, and started to make his way out the door. Until he remembered he forgot his phone. He scurried back to his room to grab it, then walked back to the door, taking a deep breath in. He was about to walk out the door again, until something on the dinner table caught his eye.

His glasses case. He doesn't really use his glasses much, only when he was reading, or studying, but Bokuto always seemed to be fond of them. Why? He didn't know, they were only just black, not even having a single other color to them. He though, would always catch Bokuto staring at him in awe when he was wearing them. Just the thought of Bokuto's beautiful amber eyes, shining while looking at him, was enough to give him butterflies.

Those butterflies though, were immediately killed by the thought of Bokuto now laying in a hospital bed, not able to open his eyes.

He hesitated but grabbed his case, and opened it up. There they were alright, the black skimmed glasses. Akaashi put them on his face. He didn't need them really, unless he was reading, or needed to see something better, like words, but he felt so at home wearing them, they made him feel safe and secure. They had never have given him this feeling before, but now wasn't before, Akaashi should know that better than most people at this point.

He sighed, and finally made his way out the door. He saw Bokuto's parents car in the driveway, and made his way down the side of the car. He got in the back quietly. He didn't want to make much racket. Though he knew it was non-sense for him to even think that. Sometimes he wondered if he was dumber then most people made him out to be.

Bokuto's parents slightly turned around, and bowed their heads at him. He bowed his head back, and bucked up his seatbelt.

They started their journey to the hospital. Akaashi had observed that everything looked... weirdly duller. Without the presence of their his ball of light, Akaashi didn't feel compelled to anything at the moment. He knew Bokuto's parents could sense how anxious and upset he was starting to become, because they turned on the radio. He continued to listen to the crappy pop songs about love. It was always the same. They would fall in love, and they would be happy, or in some cases in the songs, they would break up.

Akaashi rolled his eyes when one came on that Bokuto seemed to always be fond of. He would always point out the different parts and meanings of each phrase to Akaashi. Akaashi couldn't remember everything Bokuto had said about this song, but he knew this was one of his favorites. Bokuto would say it cheered him up, when Akaashi wasn't there to do that.

That part made Akaashi smile to himself, he knew Bokuto knew that Akaashi was great at cheering him up, and was very grateful for it too. He would constantly thank Akaashi whenever he did get cheered up by him.

Akaashi kept reminiscing about times he had helped Bokuto. It was always stressful for him, but he didn't regret a single thing he ever did with Bokuto, especially now. He loved Bokuto so much, and would do pretty much anything for him, he meant that.

Before he knew it, they had reached the hospital. It was a bit of a struggle to try and find a parking spot, but they found one. They walked over to the main hospital entrance, not knowing where Bokuto was being placed, since not even his parenthad gotten an update about it.

Akaashi found a seat (again in the corner) and sat down. He picked up a magazine on the small table next to him. He flipped through it mindlessly, not even bothering to read a single word, he just wanted something to get his mind off of the hospital smell, and presence.

Soon he found Bokuto's parents sitting next to him.

"They said he got out of surgery around 11 last night."

"It was a long surgery..." Akaashi mumbled.

"You're right, but they said it was needed to get him in the best shape that they could get him in. They also said they would call us in as soon as possible."

"Alright..." Akaashi replied, not really knowing much to say in the moment.

They waited what Akaashi thought to be around 30 or so. before they heard a name being called.

"Bokuto's family? Follow me please." A nurse said, smiling lightly.

The three of them stood up, and walked over.

"Are you all related to Kōtarō Bokuto?" She asked.

"Uhm, we are." Bokuto's father said, pointing to himself, then his wife. They looked back at Akaashi who was hiding behind the two of them at that point, as if it would make him invisible.

"He's Kōtarō's boyfriend, and-"

"Only related family is aloud sir, I apologize." The nurse said in a stern tone.

"We are taking care of him, his parents are out of town. He came by last night, please let him see Kōtarō."

"We-" She stopped herself and looked at the files she had in here had for a second. She sighed. "Follow me."

Akaashi couldn't keep himself from smiling, he thought he was done with, and would have to stay out in the lobby.

They were taken to a small room at first, with 4 chairs, one sitting behind a desk, the other 3 placed on the opposite side of the desk.

Akaashi and Bokuto's parents took a seat in the 3 chairs, while the nurse sat at the other.

"So I have some things to talk to you about Kōtarō, and then I will take you to his room.

The nurse sat down with them, showed them some x-rays, and files from tests they had taken.

The thing that caught Akaashi's eye the most, was Bokuto's compeltly broken right leg and arm. The nurse said some of the bones got crushed.

Akaashi tried to contain himself from crying. Bokuto would never be able to play volleyball again like this. There was no way. He would never get to set to his star again.

The nurse kept talking about other stuff, and handed Bokuto's parents a few sheets of paper, and some other stuff, but Akaashi couldn't focus, he was biting his lip so he wouldn't cry. The nurse got up, and said she would be right back. Akaashi snapped out of his facade, but realized his lip was now bleeding.

Bokuto's parents could tell Akaashi was on the verge of tears, so Bokuto's mom rubbed him back. Akaashi didn't know if this helped, or worsen the case.

After a few minutes, the nurse came back in with some more files, and ushered the three to follow her.

They walked down a hall or two, and made it to an elevator, which took them up to level 6.

The nurse stepped out, with Bokuto's parents and Akaashi following her. After taking a few turns down a few different halls, the nurse got to a room and stopped. Room 638. Akaashi didn't like the fact that right below the number, there was a name.

Did they think he was going to stay there for 'that' long?

The nurse opened the door. Bokuto's parents went in first. Akaashi hesitated at the door, he didn't want to see Bokuto in this state, he knew there was a high chance of him crying as soon as he saw the familiar face.

The nurse turned around, and waved him to come it, he didn't have much of a choice now, he couldn't stay standing there out in the hall forever.

He took a deep breath in walked in, preparing himself.

There he was, laying there in a hospital bed, silent and motionless. He had a still cast around his right arm and leg. He remembered something about the nurse saying they didn't know if they should amputate the arm or not, for how seemingly bad it got damaged.

He had bandages wrapped in places al over his body, including around his head. He must have gotten hit pretty hard there.

Akaashi didn't think he could hold himself back from running up to the figure and hugging it with everything he had. The only thing that really was holding I'm back, was how hurt, and how unstable he looked, Akaashi didn't want to cause Bokuto any more pain then he was in already.

He slowly walked over to a chair next to where Bokuto's parents were already seated. He was wobbling the whole 5 foot walk, but never took his eye off of Bokuto It was truly one of those moments where it was too much of a horrible sight to look away.

He sat down next to Bokuto's mother. She couldn't look at her son, her head down, and her body shaking.

Akaashi didn't know what to do, he just sat there, staring at his boyfriend, lying there. Akaashu hated himself for thinking that he looked dead. He did, but Akaashi didn't want to believe it, and he couldn't be. Even though he was in a coma, and unconscious, he looked to be in pain, a dead person wouldn't be in pain.

The nurse spoke up. "I will have a doctor come in and explain more to you, and after that, all we can do is wait."

Akaashi let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Not because of what the nurse said, but mostly because he probably would have passed out, what the nurse said made him even more worried.

_Was there more to say? Was this just going to be never ending?_

The nurse left them in the room. Akaashi tried to distract himself by getting on his phone, but he couldn't when the tension in the air from having a body in a coma right next to you, was just distracting him too much. Same for Bkuto's parents, they had both put on earbuds, probably to listen to something, to block everything, even the bad feelings in the air, away. They probably saw the antsy look in Akaashi's eyes, because Bokuto's mother took out an extra pair of earbuds, and handed them to the dark haired boy.

Akaashi fixated his glance on them. He immediately recognized them as Bokuto's. He opened the cheap case holding them, and stared at the small things. They were black, but had a yellow grazed line on the side of it. These were Bokuto's indeed. He would always tell Akaashi they matched the team colors. He connected them to his phone, and gently put them into his ear. He handled them with great care, though he didn't know why, they were just earbuds. But Akaashi did know the reason, it was because, well, it was Bokuto's, he didn't want to loose anything else, more then what he had lost in front of him.

He put on some music, that Bokuto had sent to him. There were a lot of upbeat songs, but one song caught his eye- or ear. "It's Okay, I Wouldn't Remember Me Either" It was a good song, and the lyrics stuck out to Akaashi for some reason.

He sighed, and put the song on repeat. He must have still been tired from the amount he cried last night, because he passed out after a while.

He was awoken by a shake on his shoulder. It was Bokuto's mother. Both of Bokuto's parents were standing up, ready to... leave?

"The doctor came in to talk for a little bit, but you seemed tired, and didn't want to wake you. Don't worry, he didn't say much more than what was already said by the nurse."

Akaashi just looked down at the ground. He knew that was a lie, he could see that Bokuto's parents had been crying, but he didn't want to question it, all he wanted was to go home. HE couldn't stand the smell of this place any more than he already had today.

He stood up, head still down, and realized he still had his- Bokuto's earbuds in. He quickly took them out of his ears, and then fumbled with them before finally managing to get them in their case correctly.

He put his hand out, trying to give them back to Bokuto's mom, but she hesitated, then shook her head.

"You keep them, Keiji."

Akaashi gulped, and pulled his hand back. He squeezed the case in his left hand. Maybe, just maybe, if he held these log enough, he would feel Bokuto's hand grasp back. Though, obviously, nothing squeezed back.

They made their way out of the hospital room, and right before Akaashi stepped his last foot out of the room, he got one more look at Bokuto. He wished he didn't, that image haunted him.

That night, after he had gotten back home, he sat on his bed.

There was something, something that was bothering him. The fact that Bokuto's parents looked like they had just gotten done crying. There had something that the doctor told them, and it wasn't good. He didn't know how to ask about it though, so he decided to let it go.

Though eventually he would find out

-

Akaashi would go to the hospital every day. Seeing Bokuto in this cindintion never got easier. He hated the smell, the sounds, and was very sick of the view from the window in the room. He got more familiar than he wanted to get with it.

He went everyday, for 3 years. He wouldn't do much but sit there and watch him, he would read him stories, or play him music through his earbuds he kept all these years.

One day he was walking on his way to the hospital, it was a normal day, nothing out of the ordinary. Akaashi was now 20 years old. He had gotten a job, and settled down in his own house, though still waited for Bokuto, because he believed that he would come back one day. He was answering emails, and enjoying the nice breeze.

He started remembering things as he walked by. He remembered the day of the incident, and his head started to hurt, he didn't want to remember that night, he didn't want to go back and relive it, no matter how much he was given. He kept seeing flashbacks, but tried to shut them out. He had too, he just needed to get to the hospital.

He reached the entrance, and waved the person at the front, she knew he would be there. He went up to Bokuto's room, he entered, and smiled. Making his way over to his chair near the window, he noticed something, the aura in the room felt different today, he couldn't put his finger on it though. He took out his computer, and started to do some work.

He worked for a bit, then decided to get up, and got get something from the cafeteria, since he didn't feel like going out to get something today. He said hi to a few people on the way down. They knew him, and they knew his situation, and would constantly pity him, which Akaashi hated so much. He grabbed a ham sandwich and ate it quickly, responding to the rest of the emails he had.

He started to head back up to the room. He arrived at the sixth floor, and walked the hallways he knew quite too well. The specific spots on the wall, and where certain people were. He sighed, but smiled, he had been told over and over that he was wasting all the years of his life in such a miserable place, when he should be traveling, or getting himself out there, but Akaashi refused. He was going to stay with Bokuto as long as it took.

He reached his hall, and saw nurses and doctors rushing around, they were heading towards... Bokuto's room?!

Akaashi ran down, and saw Bokuto's main nurse. He dashed over to her.

"What's going on?!" Akaashi asked, trying to not to yell.

The nurse smiled at him, and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Akaashi-san, he woke up."

_he woke up_

_he woke up_

_he woke up._

Akaashi could hear the echoing, and, it felt like he got hit with brick, even though this was good news to him. He was just so incredibly shocked. He didn't know what to think. Bokuto, Bokuto was- waking up?

They told him to wait in the hallway for a few minutes to make sure he was stable.

Akaashi couldn't help himself and peeked in.

"Do you know who you are? And how you got here?"

"Uh-m..." A crackling voice responded

He took a few seconds to say anything else, but did continue.

"Kōtarō... Bokuto... I- Crash-" He stopped.

"That's right sir! But we have some news for you, you were asleep for three years."

Akaashi shamelessly corrected the nurse in his head

 _Three years and two months, actually_. He thought.

"I... I was?..." Bokuto questioned.

"Yes, Kōtarō." The nurse said back, in a soft tone.

"Oh.. I.. I see.." Bokuto said, his voice still very crackly, but you could hear it well enough.

"You also have someone here to see you." The nurse said, getting up. Akaashi went back a bit further out into the hallway, so he wouldn't get caught listening in.

"Akaashi, I knew you were listening, it's okay, cmon."

Akaashi stopped himself before going in, though he didn't know why. He had waited for this moment for over three years, waited in the hospital room, for over three years, yet, he was hesitant to walk in.

He took a deep breath in, and stepped in.

The room felt different, and more lively, and just, more _happy._

There he was, there was Bokuto. He was sitting up, and looked over at the where the door was, eagerly waiting to see who it was. And then there Akaashi stood, tears running down his face that he didn't even know were there. He ran over to Bokuto, and had to stop himself from jumping onto him.

To Akaashi, Bokuto looked like an angel, even though he looked different then he did three years ago. Oh how Akaashi missed seeing those beautiful amber eyes. They were just as bright as he remembered, even though they had been hidden for so long.

"Hi Bokuto-san." Akaashi said, smiling the most he thought he had in the long three years.

He went over and hugged Bokuto, tight. Bokuto didn't hug back, though Akaashi didn't think too much of it.

"I... I missed you so much." Akaashi said, now fully aware he was crying.

"Uhm. I'm- I'm sorry... Who are you again?"

Akaashi felt his heart break, into millions of pieces. No, this, this wasn't happening was it?... Akaashi found everything closing in around him. No, no no no. NO.

"Bokuto-san... This- this uhm- this isn't funny... Stop it..."

"I'm sorry... I really don't remember you."

Akaashi whipped his head over to the nurse who was frantically writing things down in the files, a scared look on her face.

"Kōtarō, can you tell me who you.. do remember?" The nurse asked.

"Uhm, I remember my parents clearly, someone named... Kuroo

At that name Akaashi completely broke down, he remembered Kuroo, but not him? How?

"Ku- Kuroo?" Akaashi stuttered.

"Yeah, I remember he was my best friend! I also remember his boyfriend... Kenma? I think?"

Akaashi didn't know what to think, was he not important enough to Bokuto to be remembered? Was he not enough to be remembered by his own boyfriend? What did he do wrong?

Akaashi's world started to crumble. He felt the darkness that he had felt all those years ago, start to take over him again. He ran out the the room without thinking. He ran to the stairs, not wanting to spend his time in the hospital any more then he had. He made it to the lobby, and ran out the door. He started sprinting into a random direction, he didn't know where, he couldn't see anything around him except the straight path in front of him. He remembered the exact same feeling that he had in the rain all those years ago.

He stopped when he got to a park, he didn't recognize it, but he would deal with that part later. He found a bench under a tree, and sat himself down there, trying to breathe.

Did Bokuto really not remember him? How?

He sat there, for god knows how long, until it started getting dark. He picked himself up from the bench, and trudged the way the thought he came from, sure enough he passed the hospital. He hated this place now, he spent three years here for nothing. He sighed, and made his way home. He had left his work stuff in Bokuto's room, meaning he would have to go back and get it sometime this week.

He thought abois pretty much everything on the way home, and then, something struck him. Maybe that's why Bokuto's parents were crying that one day when they saw Bokuto for the first time after the accident all those years ago. They were told that he might not recover his memory, or, all his memory.

It all made sense now. It did, but Akaashi couldn't care less. He wanted to get home, and go to bed. thinking maybe he would wake up and it would all be okay. Maybe it would, who knows, but Akaashi was heartbroken. It hasn't quite fully set in yet, but he knew one thing he had to do, he had to try and make Bokuto remember him. People have done it before right?

**_It wasn't impossible, just hard_**.

Akaashi smiled. Bokuto had said that to him before everything happened, that one saying always stuck with him, and helped him get through the rough days where he felt so alone without Bokuto.

-

Two days later, he felt ready to go back. He had been moping in bed the past two days, and he was just trying to get himself together. But today, Akaashi had photographs and other things to help Bokuto try to remember, and unlock the memories of him, that were locked behind a door in his mind.

He got up to the room, and greeted the nurse there. He saw Kuroo and Kenma there, talking to him. They were having a nice chat, and Bokuto seemed happy, oh how Akaashi missed that.

Akaashi decdied to wait outside the room, and a little while later, the two came out. He hadn't seen them in around six or so months, since Kuroo hated visiting Bokuto while he in that state. They had engagement rings on. Akaashi's eye glimmered, he wanted to be like Kenma and Kuroo they seemed so... happy together...

Akaashi gave both of them a hug, and then went on their way, knowing Akaashi had to go see his Bokuto. But was Bokuto his anymore?... Akaashi didn't know, nor cared in that moment.

"Hello Bokuto-san." Akaashi said, trying to keep himself together, and stern.

"Hello!- Whats your name again? Kashi?"

That question hurt Akaashi more than anything he could ever explained. It pierced every part of his broken heart.

"It's Akaashi, Keiji Akaashi." Akaashi said, sighing. completely hurt.

"Okay Akaashi-kun!" I was told you 20 right?"

"It's Akaashi, and yes, I am."

Akaashi hated this conversation, and wanted nothing more than it to be over with. He hated this déjà vu feeling he kept getting.

"So uhm. What are you doing here, Akaashi?"

Akaashi's eyes directed to his work bag, he thought about grabbing it and running out, but he has already committed to this, so he had to continue.

"I want you to remember me, so I brought some stuff to help you remember?" Akaashi said, sounding like he was questioning himself too.

"Oh... Okay! It's worth a try!"

Akaashi only nodded. Keeping a straight face.

He showed Bokuto the pictures one by one, explaining what happened in each one, Bokuto just nodded along, he didn't seem to enthusiastic to be doing this. Akaashi noticed this after a while, and decided to stop, for Bokuto's sake.

"I- I think I'm going to head home, it's getting late."

"Okay!" Bokuto said, trying to keep the enthusiasm in his voice.

Akaashi wanted to cry, just right there, on the spot. she knew Bokuto could get uninterested in things, or people he didn't know too well very quickly. He couldn't handle Bokuto like this, though he knew he had to if he ever had a chance to get his Bokuto back.

For four months. Akaashi tried to help Bokuto recover his memory of him, though nothing seemed to work, at all.

It hurt for Akaashi to come into the hospital room at times to see Kuroo and Bokuto having a nice talk, like old times, and they would talk about volleyball even. Bokuto somehow forgetting his precious setter.

He tried so hard, and did everything he could think of to get Bokuto's memories back. But he just couldn't. By this time, Bokuto had started walking again, and was able to leave the hospital at times for a while, and sometimes would just ignore, or forget when Akaashi texted to say he was coming over that day. Akaashi started to think he was internationally avoiding him by going out while he came.

After four months though, Akaashi couldn't handle it anymore, he stopped coming. He couldn't handle seeing his... He didn't even know what Bokuto was to him anymore. But he couldn't stand seeing him not even caring to take a second glance at Akaashi.

Akaashi worked from home now, barley leaving his house at all. He felt as his life had no meaning now, he didn't know what to do.

-

The black haired boy had worked himself clean this one day. He was so exhausted from his work pile growing and growing each day, since they had to fire a bunch of people for reasons Akaashi didn't give a shit about, he was just happy he wasn't fired. He walked into his bedroom, his body jeering him towards his bed, telling him he was tired, and needed some good rest, but something also yanked his mind towards his bedside table. He leaned over, and opened it.

It was empty, except for one thing. The pair of old earbuds, that Bokuto's mother had gifted to him so long ago. His mind went blank after that, he couldn't think, everything was too much. He knew it had been a month since he had visited the hospital, a month since he had visited Bokuto.

It hurt, it really did. So Akaashi picked up the earbuds, or the case, and repeated the antics he did all those years ago. He squeezed them, hoping for a squeeze back, but, like all those years ago, nothing came out it.

He placed them back inside his bedside table carefully, and slowly closed it. He jumped onto his bed like a child, he was tired, no doubt about it. Just as he was about to pass out on his bed, he heard a ring. It was the doorbell.

He tried to get himself up, and struggled for a few seconds, before he managed to get himself sturdy and straight up, ready to whoever decided to come to his house.

He walked over to the door, not caring about looking into the peep hole, but now, he thinks maybe he should have.

It was Bokuto, standing there. He seemed nervous, and couldn't look Akaashi directly in the eye.

Akaashi felt struck, he couldn't breathe for a few seconds, but quickly regained his strength, and breath, then spoke up.

"Uhm. Hello... Bokuto-san..."

"Hey Akaashi."

"So uhm, what are you doing here?..."

Bokuto hesitated for a few seconds, trying to find something to say, it was obvious to Akaashi that he had come very unprepared for this little chit-chat with Akaashi.

"Akaashi, I... I wanted to apologize."

"...And for what now?"

"Not remembering you, I feel bad, Kuroo wouldn't tell me why you tried so hard to help me, no matter what I did to but him, but, you did try, you tried for so long... why?"

Akaashi wasn't ready for this question, nor did he know what he wanted to answer with.

"I- I'm, it's nothing Bokuto-san, you don't have to worry about it-"

"But I obviously mean something great to you because the nurse told me you waited three years for me?! And then tried for months to get my memory of you back. And Akaashi I know you're somewhere down there, I just can't remember you. I've tried so hard. Everything about you seems to be locked in a box..."

Bokuto now looked ok the verge of crying, and all Akaashi could do was stand there, speechless.

"Please don't me mad at me... i'll keep trying, I promise I will. I'll do whatever it takes!

_There's the persistant, and stubborn Bokuto for you_. Akaashi thought.

Akaashi remembered something, a song that he heard, A song that he heard on Bokuto's earbuds, around 3 and a half years ago now.

He smiled at the thought of that song. He leaned forward, and hugged Bokuto, who this time hugged back, clutching him tightly.

Akaashi found words coming out of his mouth before he could control them.

"I wish I never had met you, Kō. I know that sounds horrible, but I can't take it-." Akaashi started.

"But..." The dark haired boy's voice trailed off.

"It's okay, I wouldn't remember me either."

Akaashi ushered Bokuto away, and closed the door. Then Bokuto walked off, and Akaashi walked back to his bedroom. And that was the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! I hope you enjoyed, i'm sorry if i made any mistakes anywhere! This book is really important to me, since it's the longest fic i have made (yet). I tried the best i could, and ended up crying last night because i'm tearing myself down with these fics


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